Black Butte

Now how do you pronounce the title? I had no idea before last week, and I made the mistake of pronouncing incorrectly. This is totally a pointless tangent but I have been paying close attention to the way people speak here in Alaska. Like for example I've noticed that many people say "right on" in Anchorage a lot. I feel like it's the most popular phrase here. I've told my roommates about that but they think I'm crazy, but probably for many more reasons than just that. But now that I've started noticing I feel like I'm more prone to hearing it and I just can't figure out why this phrase is so popular here.

On another note, I had a really good day yesterday. So we have been slammed with Beanie Boxes the past two weeks and probably a reason why I have been so slow at updates. So we give away all these beanie boxes during the Holiday time but we got so many. I would say we gave out close to 400 boxes and I would have to say that we have over 300 left over. It's gotten so bad that we can't walk into our main office, the other 2 offices are so packed that the door won't open. So the solution my supervisor came up with is storing all of it. So thats the goal for today, transporting all this stuff to a storage container where it will sit for months and months probably. Now I see the problem as not that we don't have enough space but just that we have way too much stuff and we need to get rid of it. It has really started to bother me the waste and abundance of this place. We threw away so much wrapping paper, pointless packaging, and other random crap. I am tired of all this packaging, after this I don't want to buy another thing. It makes me want to get away from society and just live of the grid.

But on a brighter note, yesterday was going to be a hard day. We worked till about 8, sorting all the Beanie innards which was kinda a pain. But it actually turned out very nice. One of the FJV's who had the same job 2 years ago came over and helped us sort which was really nice. Then she invited us out to dinner which was so so nice. It really meant a lot to be able to go out after a hard day and have some really good food. Plus when I got home I received a package which was just the right timing. The weather has been below zero for a few days now so the hat was so needed. So a bad day turned into one of the best days.

I must say that Alaska is pretty nice during the winter. There's lots of snow on the ground and that means skiing. Last week I got to go ski at Kincaid, which is a really nice state park by our house. One of my roommates teaches cross country ski lessons to kids there so on Thursday I asked to tag along. It was great, I got a free ski lesson along with some six year olds. Kincaid is a great place to get away from Anchorage. Anchorage is like any medium/small sized city. What makes it stand out is that you can drive in any direction for 20 minutes and be in total isolation. Plus there are some really nice trails and it's kinda refreshing to be more afraid of moose when walking around than people. The moose are surprisingly quite plentiful in Anchorage. As long as they stay away from our apple tree, I think that we can get along just fine.

Danielle is on the naughty list

Alright I am rather behind in blogging. I don't know even know where to start. I guess I can start with this past weekend. On Friday I had an opportunity to go out to dinner. It's amazing living on 80/dollars a month because you discover so many things. I don't go out to dinner that much but now it's almost non-existant, so friday was a great treat. I also had some really good blueberry beer, Alaska has some really great microbrews. But Friday was a good relaxing day after a long work day. Saturday was amazing as well because I got to go to my first sweat. We left around 6 to go to George's Cabin about an hour away where the sweat lodge is at. It was so beautiful there, clear skies and stars. One of the most amazing experinces was climbing out of the sweat lodge into the crisp air and seeing thousands of stars. I don't think I can really even put the experience into words. I really just like how inclusive the people were. I think the one thing that stuck out the most was when they said that every blade of grass is just as important as every person. It is such a nature centered spirituality. Let's see what else? Sunday was a good relaxing day. I went cross country skiing on the coastal trail. I've never lived in a place where you can literally walk somewhere and go skiing. Alaska definantly has a lot to offer outdoors wise.

I wish these posts were less what I have been up to and more reflective. Right now I am very satisifed. After work I caught a ride with Abbie to Kincaid Park where she teaches cross country skiing to kids. It was really fun because I tagged along with her class and learned a lot. It was me and a lot of 6 year olds and it was so refreshing to see all these people outside in the dark skiing. Kincaid is great because it has lights on the trails so you can ski in the dark. Good idea since it gets dark here around 3. At one point one of the girls asked me if I would ski with her and we held hands and skiid. I also got to go down some hills, which seemed steep to me but were probably not even as intense as bunny hills. I have really come to love skiing. I've really missed biking but I think I finally found an outlet for winter.

These past few weeks have been really busy. Work is kinda stressful because there is so much to do. Tomorrow should be a fun time. We are doing a white elephant exchange but me and Annie decided to combine and make just one gift. We are taking all the "best" of our house. This includes some oysters, canned viennna sausages, spam and many more great finds. We put all these treasures in a stocking and I can't wait for tomorrow.

I am really happy and satisfied right now. I love feeling tired at the end of the day. I love being outside and I finally feel like I have been doing that more. I am also drinking some really good raspberry beer right now. Off to bed I go, to dream of sugar plum fairies.

Oh and I guess I should explain the title. I told my roomates that the reason I won't give them the address to the blog is because I have a naughty and nice list. So of course Danielle is on the naughty list, I don't think I even need to explain.

Eventful

This is kinda funny, I started this entry on Friday but didn't end up posting it because work got busy. It's kinda ironic that the title was published and it said eventful even though there was nothing written.

Well I have not written in a almost a week. So many things happen each day that I want to write about but then I forget and the next day brings even more things and then it just gets too overwhelming to think about. But lets backtrack a little. On Thursday we finally went and got the Christmas tree but not before we spent riding around for an hour on the army base looking for the right location to get the trees. We ended up in a place called ammo country and where we proceeded to find our 4 Christmas trees that we needed. One of our clients Greg came with us because he is the master of finding the best ones. So we went off into the deep woods, hiking in knee deep snow with a saw and an ax. Anyone remember National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation? Yes that movie kinda reminded me of this experience. But it was quite fun and as we were driving away at 11:30 the sun was rising and it was so good to see the sun. The sun is my new favorite friend, but it does not like to spend much time with me. But I hear it gets friendlier in the summer...I can't wait.

Ah yes and on Friday we had a nice wine and cheesy party. This involved of course the usual players of wine and cheese but an added bonus of flashy Christmas sweaters. I usually am not the mingler type but this party was quite nice. Lots of people's co-workers who were around the same age range and some games to get the fun going.

I feel like I am just recapping what has happened in the past few days which I was really trying to stay away from. I hope that as I catch up I will be able to stop doing that. But I really want to talk about yesterday because it was a really good day at work. I did the usual help people in the morning, van rides in the afternoon, but then later I got to help one of our clients move into his apartment. So not a usual thing we do but my supervisor promised to do it and so I got to help as well. It took a few hours but it was nice to get out of the office. Things like this make me really like my job because there's always something new to do but yet there is some structure throughout the day as well.

And this week is going to be just as busy with something to do every day. But I must say the winner is going to be Wednesday because we have been invited to an 80's Christmas party at some fancy shmancy members only club downtown. But Friday is a close second because we get to give out beanie boxes, which are decorated boxes with goodies inside, and also a candlelight vigil remembering all the clients that passed away this past year. Sadly I found out that they found one of our clients under a bridge passed away, and he was probably the first client to die that I knew and talked with from time to time. But I am told it will get a lot worse as the winter goes on so I am strapping on my seat belt for the journey.

Awake

I think it might be time for a funny story. So I'm sitting here trying to write when I am interrupted by our boss Jim who informs me that there is a stretch hummer in the parking lot. It never me amazes me what happens here but I would say this is one of the more surprising ones. So I go out there and there indeed is a hummer out there and as I mutter how stupid this all is I am met by the guy who rented it. Apparently he just arrived from Dutch Harbor which is one of the villages in Alaska and he spent 600 yes I just said 600 dollars to rent this atrocity. The funniest part about it is that when my co-worker and Jim go to check out the hummer, they open the door and not only does a bottle of vodka fall out but there are a handful of our clients inside waiting expectedly for a good night. So the reason the hummer was in the parking lot is so that the guy who rented it could pick up some Beanies (clients of Bean's Cafe), it's a quick way to make friends thats for sure.

This week has probably been one of the strangest weeks so far. On Monday we were supposed to get a Christmas tree but when we went to the Army base where we had a permit to cut down trees, we were denied because we didn't have an escort. Even though Bean's has been doing this for the past 7 years, apparently this year we seemed more dangerous and needed an escort. I mean I agree, I wouldn't trust myself without an escort on a military base either. But after we drive off, Maggie my supervisor remembers that there is a Homeless coalition conference that we needed to attend on Monday and Tuesday. So the last two days I have spent learning about Anchorage's 10 year plan to eradicate homelessness. I personally don't think it's possible because I see that with the population I work with some just don't really want to get off the streets. I don't think that anyone really wants to be homeless but when thats been your lifestyle for so long it's almost harder to live indoors. But all in all the conference was interesting. But today was finally going to be the day to get the Christmas tree...but again no go so tomorrow it is. At 8:45 in the morning we have found an escort to get us on the base. I will be bringing my headlamp because it doesn't get light here till about 10. So stay tuned for hopefully some funny stories about 3 Bean employees and one client going in the pitch dark to cut down 4 trees on a military base.

Tag problems

So I had this amazing post that really explained a lot about what is going on with me and then I lost it. Ahh but then I took my own advice and just laughed. Because there is nothing I can really do about it but I can laugh and try again. So I will try to recreate the greatness of my writing and maybe even make it better.

So you know when you have a tag that keeps bothering you but it’s just too much work to take the shirt of and cut it of? Well I think that I have been living in that situation for a few weeks now and maybe months. It’s not that I am too lazy to cut of the tag, but I wonder if that will really solve the problem. I hope that at this point people realize that I am not talking about a literal tag but more of a situation in my life. But anyway I am tired of having this tag bothering me and I feel like it might be time to cut it off. But then I wonder if maybe the real problem is not the tag but the person wearing the shirt. I also wonder if cutting of the tag is just an easy way of making the problem disappear and not really dealing with the issues that are really causing the problem. I feel like this situation has lead me to come to a lot of conclusions and realize a lot of unhealthy things about myself which is great. I feel like I have gone through a lot of shit already so why not continue instead of having to do it all over again in the future? But I also tend to not like giving up and this could well be a situation that is just unhealthy but I feel like I can make it work. I guess I need to figure out if it’s the tags fault or the person wearing the shirt and I better make it quick or my mind might just jump ship and go on its merry way.

So yesterday night I did end up making Swedish pancakes and they were quite good. But sadly I did not enjoy them as much because the tag was bothering me quite bad and even invaded my sleep and dreams. But this afternoon I ended up making lentil loaf which was a very fun process. I got to be in my favorite place in the house and listen to music, chop vegetables and talk to my roommate about the inner devils that live within me. I don’t know what it is about the kitchen but the best conversations always start there.

Ah and yes I want to share a poem by Hafiz that I really like.

Two Giant Fat People

God

And I have become

Like two giant fat people

Living in a

Tiny boat.

We

Keep

Bumping into each other and

Laughing.

Swedish Pancakes

I feel like amost all of my posts revolve around food. But right now I have this urge to make swedish pancakes, I found a recipe for them a few days back and ever since then they have been on mind. Yesterday evening I came home around 3 in the morning and I really wanted to make pancakes and sadly we were out of butter. In fact I ended up walking from dowtown because in Anchorage the buses don't run past 10 and for the entire 2 hours it took me to walk home I could only think about how I really wanted to make swedish pancakes when I got home.

So today I saw three films at the International Film Festival. Since I am volunteering at the festival I get to see as many films as I want for free. Sounds like a good idea at first but just try to figure out which ones to watch when there are so many options. But the ones I saw today were all very interesting films and quite different from each other. The first one "Eating Alaska" was discussing the benefits of eating locally and the controversy associated with eating meat. The one that I just saw was called "Chronic Town" and I am still trying to unwrap it. I wish I could say more about it but I think I need a few more days to understand it or figure out what the message was.

I am becoming rather tired and losing my resolve to make pancakes the only real goal I had for this weekend. I have also started reading "The Gift" by Hafiz so I hope to share more of my thoughts as I progress through it.

Fish and Blueberry yogurt

Right now it is extremely slow at the shelter which leads to blogging. The beanies received their checks this week, all kinds of checks. There were blue checks and yellow checks and even white checks. Some people received even three checks all from the government. Now I'm not saying that this is a flawed system entirely but it is with the chronically homeless population. These checks are primarily spent on getting drunk and sleeping in hotel rooms and then they come back when their money runs out. Is that a big generalization? Well yes it is and there are probably some that really use that money to get of the streets but I have yet to see that happen in the 4 months I have worked here. I am not saying that they should not receive this money, I am merely bored because there are no clients around and so I have let my mind wonder.

On another note today I was supposed to go on an army base in order to cut down three christmas trees. Two things I usually am not fond of, cutting down live things for personal pleasure and anything involving the army. But I was actually quite excited, a chance to get out in the woods and take a few hours out of my work day to tromp around and look at nature. Unfortunately we were supposed to go with Greg, a close friend and client of Bean's, but sadly we found out he was in the hospital. And since he helped with the tree cutting the last 7 years the event was postponed and instead all of the social service workers meaning the 2 others in the office and myself left to go visit him at the Native Medical Hospital. On a side note, I love the Native Hospital here in Anchorage. It's got character and art and everything that hospitals usually lack. But anyway we went in and visited for a few short minutes. The nurses wouldn't tell us what happened but he didn't look too good and I'm not quite sure he knew who we were. Although hard to see talking to the clients outside of the shelter is my favorite part of the job. I think it helps them knowing that someone knows their name and stops to talk to them on the street and it helps me to feel connected to the people that I work with. Of course it does mean I am doing outreach anytime I ride the bus or walk around downtown but that comes with the job.

Alright I am hoping right now that I get an e-mail from the volunteer coordinator of the International Film Festival. I am volunteering for this event this coming week and the perks is that i get a pass to see as many films as I want. But I have no idea where to pick up this pass and tonight is the first showing. And I probably should be volunteering just to do it, but I am really volunteering for the free pass because since the pass is 85 dollars and I only earn 80 a month that would put me in debt. I am most excited about the movie Dream Boy, a love story between two adolescent boys. I am most excited because there is a meet and greet with the director at Myrna's afterwards. But first I must get the pass.

And for lunch today I had fish and blueberry yogurt. The perks of working at a day shelter is free food and interesting combinations. The walk in freezer is packed with food. It's a grown ups version of an easter egg hunt. So far my most prized find were avocados.

I feel really bad about this confession but I am finding this extremely funny. One of our clients is extremely drunk and is trying to put baby powder in a cup but is failing miserably. Now I know I should just help him out because not only would that be the nice thing to do but that would also mean I wouldn't have to clean up his mess. But instead I choose to laugh on the inside because that is the best solution I have found for all the crazy things that go on at Bean's.

Phone Book

I entered the wonderful world of blogs a few weeks ago and I am hooked. I love reading into people's lives and entering their reality. But I must admit that it's a bit intimidating, I cannot write the quirky and funny entries that I have come to love. Thus I have decided to let all expectations evaporate and write what I want because I can.

Right now I sit here with a yellow phone book on the desk next to me. My job is to call as many churches as I care to and ask if they want to help participate in the Beanie Box drive. Beanie boxes are these shoe boxes that are gift wrapped and inside are all the essentials like hats, gloves, toothpaste etc. These boxes will be handed out the week of Christmas to our clients, primarily homeless and other varying degrees of homelessness. But instead I feel an urge to write and escape this place. I feel like most of the day I spend escaping and thinking about the future or things I would rather be doing, rather pointless thoughts because the only thing that is for certain is that I am sitting here in a cold office at a homeless day shelter with a tattered yellow phone book on the desk.

Some would conclude that I hate my job because why would I spend the day escaping this reality, but on the contrary I love this job. I like the randimosity of it and yes I know thats not a word but I feel that it should be. I like that I don't have a set schedule, that I can take time out and talk to people and joke and be sarcastic. Yes for the most part I like the job...and yet my mind wanders. This evening I will going to Taize prayer, something I loved doing while in college. I know that in the back of my head I have this hope that this will solve everything. I will have an epiphany of why I am searching for more and trying to fill all my free time so I have less time to think. But I also know that this will not happen, yes I will enjoy it but the epiphany will not come and yet that is ok because hey if that happened then there would be no blog and life would become quite boring. And yet here I have to return to my yellow phone book and the reality of beanie boxes.