Happy

I am rather happy right now. And since that doesn't happen often or doesn't seem like it because I always right about negative things on this blog then I decided to add some happiness to it. Well I think I am happy because I had caffeine and although it makes me go to the bathroom every 30 minutes it makes me happy. Secondly today is my last day of work for a week because I am going on vacation. I am really excited, hope the weather stays nice and I come back to work ready to take on the last two months.

Lets see on a not so happy note we have had 4 clients die in the last 10 days. It even made the papers and everyone is like what should we do? Oh my goodness homeless people are dying which is good that people are talking about. But then the headlines will go away and people will forget about the homeless until the next round of deaths. When I hear people talking about the homeless population I feel proud about what I do. Because I feel like I have room to talk because I deal with these people on a daily basis. It also makes me realize that I really need to be more patient because I have been losing it little by little. Today I was doing a van ride to the hospital and next to me was this guy that volunteers every day and he started singing to the Dido song "White Flag" and he really got into it. It was really nice because it felt so normal just singing in the car. Sometimes I think the beanies really like riding in the car something new and relatively "normal". Just some time to sit back and listen to music. Yesterday I also found out that one of our clients tried to hang herself under a bridge but thankfully she was stopped. So it's been a hard few weeks for the homeless people here in Anchorage. It's a really tight community and when someone dies it hits all of them.

Let's see this past weekend me and the roomies started the garden. So much fun. We planted carrots, peas, radishes, zucchini, brussel sprouts and some greens. It's been really dry here in Anchorage so I hope that they all survive.

What am I looking forward to in the summer? Not having to wear my blue jacket which I have yet to take off. Participating in the marathon relay with some of my roomies and wearing a tutu. So I registered me and three roomies for the relay and we needed a name so I thought of the most absurd name I could think of, pink tutus, and threatened them with it so that they would give me another name to put on the registration. Sadly they liked the idea and we are now known as the pink tutus. There has been talk of actually wearing a pink tutu and passing it off as a baton, I think not. What else? Going on community trips to Denali and Homer. Just enjoying the light and spending these last few months with my community.

A year later...

It has been a year since I graduated and I feel like I am in purgatory. Not in the real world but not in the college world either, kinda stuck in the gray area. I am happy I did JVC but still I am ready to get a job, have some money, and just be more free I guess. Today I spent a very long time with this woman that needed help on her homework. Now usually I wouldn't do this because that's not my role to be a tutor but things have been slow and I didn't really know before hand that she needed help with her homework and not something more important. Anyway this woman kinda scares me she has these fits of anger where she starts yelling usually profanities. I know she's pretty harmless but still not the most inviting person to sit next to. She like everyone else has a story. She spent two years in the military went to Iraq and got injured. From what I have been told a bomb exploded near her and ever since she has not been the same. Right now she is yelling at the top of her lungs things that no one can understand. And it is sad, very sad. But as I was sitting with her she didn't yell, yes she talked to invisible people and told them to shut up but she seemed "normal". i don't really like using that word but I will in this situation. It seemed like she would go in and out. Sometimes she was fine asking me about my life and her telling me about her life. She grew up in the Caribbean, went to journalism school in florida, married and ended up in Alaska, joined the military went to Iraq and now is here at bean's yelling at the top of her lungs. See stories like hers really show that it could happen to anyone one of us. So yea she's going to the university here...maybe but maybe not. She tells me she's taking a class even though a few months ago she gave me a paper that said that she was kicked out. It doesn't matter I try and help her with her homework even though it doesn't make sense she keeps switching what she needs to write and telling me all kinds of different stories. But I sat there with her for an hour and we talked and she seemed fine and then I left and she started to scream again. I wish I could do that with all my clients just sit and talk and not get annoyed. Maybe that's what they need more than the vitamins I give out?

The weather is so nice here in Anchorage. It has been sunny for two weeks straight and in the 60's. This is the Anchorage that I like. I also have been trying to find jobs and no luck. I am not worried...yet. I look back a year ago when I was graduating and I had no idea that a year later I would be here. Sure I knew I was going to Alaska and working at Beans but I had no idea what it was going to look like. So I wonder where I will be in a year? Less idealistic than I am now? Happier? Will I have a job? Who knows... will I still be listening to halo? hehe only a few people know my addiction with halo

Oh and one last thing. Yesterday I had a disagreement with the Drag King who is leaving for Bristol Bay on friday. Anyway I was kinda sad and in a funk so I decided to go for a bike ride. But as I was riding in the nice weather with the sun shining and me feeling the breeze in my hair...the pedal falls off. There's me riding enjoying myself then I hear a clunk and I look back to see the pedal lying there all peaceful in the middle of the road. And you know what I did? I laughed a lot because there was nothing else to do. And that cheered me up and I put the pedal back on as best as I could and turned around to go back home. So things aren't that bad and things like pedals falling off make you realize that and that sometimes all you can do is laugh and not be so serious.